Ok, so there are the days when everything goes perfectly. And then there are the times when I really feel like kicking myself. Today was such a day. I realised that I had completely forgotten to pay my daughter’s school fees. I had mixed up the dates on the notice – it was due on 7th December, not 7th January. Reading further down, there is a statement stating that her place in school would be given up to the next person on the waiting list if fees were not paid on time. Great. My daughter might not have a place in the next school year. Granted, the chances of this happening are slim but “what if?”
These are the moments that I dread. What happens if I forget to do something that will affect my children for the rest of their lives? Or worse, what if I do something wrong? This is when worst-case scenarios start appearing in my head and panic mode sets in.
To some, I may be overreacting, but the feeling of inadequacy and guilt is real. Social media updates from friends remind me constantly that I’m not the perfect mom- I’ve friends who manage successful careers, cook healthy meals for their kids everyday, spend quality time going through homeschooling curriculum, volunteers and still manage to look fabulous everyday (all documented on Facebook posts or blogs). I don’t cook, barely have time for the kids after work, and look like I badly need a haircut.
When I was a new mom, I expected everything to be under my control, to somehow know the exact thing to do at the right time. Now that my older child has turned 5, I’ve learnt to accept the fact that I cannot do it all, and that there will be times when I make mistakes, and I’ve got to take a deep breath, learn from them and move on. It still feels terrible when I blunder, but I need to be able to move on.
I’m not the perfect mom, but I’m trying my best.
For those who have children, do you ever feel the same way too?
p.s : On the issue of my daughter’s school fees, I called the school and rushed down to make payment. She will have a place in class next year. Phew!